This soooo long overdue but I think I should spit it out...
I applaud you guys daily and think the paths you have chosen are amazing. Your lives are remarkable and I won't lie I envy you at times. The companionship, belonging, togetherness, soul mate, support, 'ride or die' co-pilots of your lives. It is just amazing and inspiring.
However, I have a few values I live by - both cultural and social, over and above that, I am a christian and wouldn't want to subject myself to being the 'single friend with a hiding place'. This little piece is not necessarily to end friendships but to try to highlight a couple of things that you may take for granted.
Before I even start, let me demystify this letter with my point of reference. I care more about my job than anyone else because it my safe house and the one thing that is COMPLETELY up to me to keep a clean relationship with. I carry an over night bag in my boot just in case I have to sleep over anywhere - something you can't do. The most important things to me right now are - my medical aid, life+car+household insurance, my home, tracker, funeral policy and savings. With all these I feel safe and protected, hence it boils down to my job security.
Here we go... Please note this is not a social 'embargo', just how I feel:
1. I strongly believe married people should be friends with other married people, merely because you guys have similar values, problems, plans, dreams etc. This isn't because I think single people are destructive but we are just a bit more available and able to do things without having to report to anyone - too fluid to be exact. I have sadly seen how this messes up my routine and puts a strain in your relationships. The compromise is draining. I'm not trying to be sagacious, but just asking you to stick with your own.
2. As I mentioned values and all earlier, I really feel insulted by friends who randomly show up at my place with concubines and expect me to be all smiles and watch the adulterous escapades in my sanctuary. It would probably be cool if we were 19, 20 or maybe 23. In this world of AIDS and a life expectancy of 46, it is not impressive and makes me question a lot about you.
3. There is an unwritten law of defence and loyalty between friends. I can't keep lying to your partner claiming you were at my place when you weren't. I do it anyway because I don't want you guys to fight. And you are my friend. This boils down to you respecting my home. If you think your single friend's place is a 'cool spot' not a home, it is a totally treacherous. Just to set it straight, this is my HOME - a place where I plan my life and negotiate my future with God and my mother sleeps in the same house when she's around. It is not just a spot, it is a reputable home. Don't be deceived by the amount of alcohol I keep, it isn't a bar. Don't be fooled by my mismatched couches and looming loneliness and trash bin full of take away containers and pizza boxes, it is a stylish bachelor's home and we barely have home cooked meals.
4. You have committed to being someone's everything and eternity, please live up to that. If it means cutting out friends like me for the better, I will completely understand because I have committed to a career and I'm not ready to be anyone's Alpha and Omega. I would advice you to have the attitude of bread and wine after transubstantiation.
5. You can't be the cool newly wedds forever, at some point of your life, you will be a TYPICAL husband or wife. This doesn't make you boring but wiser and more stable - a trait which I will always look up to you because you have and I haven't felt the need to work on as yet.
With all that said, I just want to ask for a little respect on behalf of all your single friends. These trapdoor relationships aren't healthy for us. Your idea of fun with single friends shouldn't be a travesty of reality.
If anything, I believe it would be great to be a family friend not the wife or husband's friend only. If I'm a friend worth keeping, I'm honoured but please don't employ my name in darkness.
Now, my committed friends, if you think Swiss has 20million attractive friends, I'll convey the compliments not pimp. I just happened to make a career out of my hobbies, one of them being a serial networker... Don't make me regret it.
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