Preference vs Prejudice

Prejudice is an unjustified or incorrect attitude (usually negative) towards an individual based solely on the individual’s membership of a social group. The extent in which we draw discrimination as prejudice is sickening.

 After reading a blog about the risks of having multiple partners and a DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation) with my ex yesterday, I learned a few things prejudice and the conflict of interest between this sole wing of resentment and what I want and choose for myself.

 Preference is liking one thing or one person better than others. This could simply translate into favouring one over the other, the right, power, or opportunity of prior choice or claim. There are a number of things which I prefer over a lot. I could probably list a million things and people if dared, but I will leave that for another topic.

 Where was I? Oh! Ok, about the blog I read. This told me about someone appreciating and enjoying dating two people at the same time and ironically he was said to be a serial dater. Funny. I read through this story with my jaw on the flaw: deception, lies, betrayal, risks, unfaithfulness. Holy word!!

 I took a step back and tried to compartmentalize this complex story but sauce it up a bit with the racial debate my ex and I had just had. Before I get into trouble with anyone, I would like to advise you to stop reading right now if you are sensitive and decide to be hostile to dating across racial lines and different classes.

The reason I opted to use the word prejudice is because it gets to a lot of people and has become a borderline excuse for everyone who would like to conflate racial and social issues: from gender, sexuality and social classes. Some people argue these issues even when they know they are not ethical to their conscience. Don't shoot me but I still see them as very conflicted, if not extremely.

 I just took another break and laughed at the fact that I'm not really telling the story I want to share, but I am accusing people for being prejudice at my own expense. Ok, I have once upon a time been in a multi-racial relationship but everything had to end because of the heavy cultural and religious differences. Contrary to what people would anticipate, it was not because of the stares or remarks people made or the pressure of living up to anything. I have a clear conscience about all my decisions and I was not conflicted about it.

 My relationships are often fun and naughty but dating across racial line, classier individuals, learned and simple but well groomed (PS: Class isn't wealth) always makes me feel desirable, masculine and yet vulnerable, empty of neediness and full of yearning. I believe these are all characteristics of what alpha males can argue are found in all races and social classes. As mentioned in one of my blogs, I am a cross-breed of a township boy with great panache, a naïve rural boy with a voracious interest in new ideas and big city hunter with a clean mental sword searching for meals. With all of that I can confidently say I am a decent person who deserves better, and maybe the best.

 My argument of preference versus prejudice has been brought about by every question being about prejudice in rainbow relationships. There are some things we aren't presenting well to our social relationships. I always argue that we can say anything and everything to a person but HOW you say it will always make an impact. I have been in a space where I was made to feel black, poor and totally not worth anything but sensual mystery revelations. I don't want to get into that chapter because I would have to lay our my karma-sutra moves. I will just say I know a good thing when I see it, and I know how good it is when I get it from a genuine sender.

 As African kids, (correct me if I'm wrong) we were encouraged to look out for each other, respect and learn more than we are advised to be individuals and look out for the oneself. With this I'm trying to give you an insight into the setting of the basic cultural norms which in each of us develop the being and the interactive personality. With me from the dusty rural patches of Maseru where we'd run behind a car just because there was a white person inside, the idea of difference in my case has a history of fascination and the stereotyped "better".

 My ex grew up in Argentina and New York and the most difficult part of our relationship was developing a common ground i.e "Launch Pad". One of us was just too full of nonsense and the other would never bring themselves to admit that they have to be the earthing cable. Was I building a house on prejudice or denial?

 Then I draw preference out of everything. I made a decision NOT to go back to the whole racial jungle as I PREFER the darker berries because of our common basics. Don't get me wrong, I still find white, indian and coloured people attractive, very seductive and arousing too. LOL.

 Prejudice aside, we had normal fights that I couldn't stand. I could not take the "who was that on your phone? Where are you?" And the fights that came there after when it would be just someone from work on the phone rehashing office stress as much as to reiterate the misery of one person stealing our joy.

 I was tired of worrying about my phone when I'm in the shower just not to aggravate the person who is supposed to have faith in me. It got to a point where I thought the inability to trust and respect could be intertwined with the inability to keep assistants at work. The weak and disgusted smiles that were given to my friends also got to them as prejudice.

Right now, I just want to stick to what works for me, it is preference NOT prejudice.