There is a high chance that I will be booed off
stage because of this post. I have fought a lot with my female friends
regarding this topic and somehow I always shut them up.
With a little background about how a man functions, I would like to mention beforehand
that I will be extremely generalizing in this post. Don't go home and start
stabbing your husband with accusations that "Libe said you do this because
you have a girl."
A man's psychological system functions like a woman's, but processes faster
albeit more conscious decisions before reacting. However, a man's sexual system
could be the reverse of the mental case, and a woman vice versa.
I have about 1000 (if not more) female 'friends', this including exes,
one-night stands and former classmates, colleagues, cousins and all the junk we
meet in clubs and tell them they are pretty and suddenly call you
"Babe" because you gave them a lighter *Yawn!* Through all these I
have drawn certain traits that define a typical woman.
She:
- Wants roses to be delivered at work.
- is never happy about her weight, especially the size of her stomach. *Like
anyone asked her to eat like a pig*
- wants to have a man with a job, car, 'enough money' (like there is such
sh!t), good communicator (which women can't define), loves kids, doesn't mess
the house, loves shopping, notices new things like hair and stuff: arguably I
feel like I just described a gay guy aka #BFF
- wants to be screwed when she wants ONLY.
- has wine and starts telling her girls about all her man does in bed and acts
shocked when she finds her best friend in bed with her man. She did the PR for
him didn't she??
I think you get the jest. Let me not bore you with the complex issues about
women, I'm starting to get bored too. Most women think men are dogs, emotionless,
just need to be served and all that business, so much that they convince each
other that men are just ruthless beings.
Now, to get back to the main topic about married men and the girls. The one
thing women need to make peace with is the FACT that men will NEVER stop
fantasizing about other women, it is only natural. Your main concern (if
necessary) should be if he does go out and taste some of those berries.
When we design time-tables, programs, movies, songs and all other attention
demanding devices: we either give breaks or keep them as brief as possible.
Naturally, human beings get bored and easily irritable. Unfortunately men get
bored faster than women as they don't get emotionally drawn into things as
quick as women do. Walk into every store and tell me how big women's sections
are in relation to men's. If men had their way, their wives would have an on
and off button but the amazing reality of tolerance comes into play and he
channels himself into the commitment he has made and the sound security and
stability he has.
Married guys are often stuck with the same crew for what seems to be a lifetime
because they have been friends with the same people from Varsity and their
hometowns and all of a sudden have to befriend some awkward new people just
because their wives are friends. It is totally annoying: the pressure, the
expectations to be kind and spend your time with some random dude who thinks
scrabble is a way of cooking eggs. Yawn!
This guy naturally dives into what I call the "Breakaway". This is
the most sensitive time in any man's married life.
The Breakaway:
This is when a married man cries for help and is in search of his funny bone
and wants to reboot his system. The sad part is most African men don't travel
or have adventurous social lifestyles. There is too much of a routine and they
get overwhelmed. At this point a man is critically sensitive and can be
attracted to any solitude that could serve as a fulfillment and enough
distraction. This could be in sports, alcohol, cars, gadgets or the one women
don't want to hear...naughty sex, meaningless sex. This could be with another
man or a woman. Subconsciously he is trying to allow his wife time with herself
but at the same time spending too much time investing in newer commitments
outside his house or merely shutting out the wife. Sadly, this becomes
comfortable and 'nag-free'.
This is where the girls come into the picture...
Some women are like vultures, they want, want and want but are not willing to
give anything. The best they can do is to stay beautiful on a married man's arm
and ready for a joy ride. Ok, before someone chops my head off, let me classify
single girls for you:
Ausi: Decent girls with a strong sense of self and a weaker sense of belonging
and with no faith in men. These are 29+
Cherrie: She can be your girlfriend for 10 years until she falls pregnant then
starts asking for the ring. These often chase after HOTT guys who are often
bi-sexual. They are anything from 27-40 and totally HOTT and vibey themselves.
They are often fag hags and over the top divas who challenge men.
Girls: They move in cliques. These are the young birds in bright and funky
Mazda 2s, Ford Fiestas, Hyundai i20s, Polo Vivos etc. They live in suburbs in 2
bedroom apartments and call them townhouses regardless of whether it is a
cluster, duplex or cottage and share with friends. Wives should be ware of
these. I will be referring to them mainly. They are MOSTLY between 24 and 27
and are super sexual. I think they inspired the line "nails done, hair
done, everything did" on Drake's Fancy. They are high maintenance for
their peers but perfect for a bored 41 year old guy.
Married women: The vibey kinda chicks who haven't lost their groove and still
go through their men's phones to fish for anything to start a fight. They are
all less than 35.
Wives: The retards who think marriage is a destination and take financial
issues to bed. But they are dangerous because they can whore more than men if
they are pushed. They are often 38+ and have an appetite for young men. These
are the founders of the "Ben 10" name for younger guys.
Ok, I think some women just had a young sigh and put their knives down. LOL. A
married man has been groomed into a care-giver and he enjoys taking care and
providing, because at this age he has also acquired the skills and art of being
a good man to a woman.
Every man wants to go out with his girl, they want to sit in a restaurant and
tell you how amazing their career has become since they made COO. They want
women to laugh at their jokes and look at them like they are about to give a
standing ovation. Every man wants to be looked at like he's Idris or Mr Jolie
Pitt no matter how big his belly is. Most importantly, every man wants a lap
dance and a bit of a nibble on his balls during sex, not just the
"hoover-style" blow job that has become a routine. Men want things to
be fun and trust me he will buy all the diamonds if he can afford them.
The girls are financially sick at this point in their lives. They have car
dealers chopping R3000 from their R9500(net) salaries, then R2500 for rent,
then the hair, clothes, food, petrol, credit card, medical aid etc. They don't
go out looking for a married man but the married guys are ALWAYS hunting and
they fall prey...
Think of it this way, EVERY guy wants to own a little flat somewhere, where the
wife doesn't know but just him and his girl. Now here's a girl with her own
place and is as hott as hell, has blonde moments 24 times a day and thinks this
guy is Superman. Do I have to continue with this part? This is the Yin Yang
image moment, perfect fit. They complement each other. One is looking for a
provider and the other wants to rejuvenate. (((((BANG)))))
This is always fun until the girl starts feeling like the guy is her bread
winner, that's now a problem. There are some things girls fail to understand
about married men.
They:
- will NEVER leave their wives for you. Even if they divorce, it will not be
about you and you will always stay the entertainer.
- are fun to be with until you turn 30 and you aren't as exciting anymore.
- they will genuinely love you but will NEVER leave your flat (Oops! Townhouse,
sorry girls, I know how wide you opened for the title! Oops! I mean how hard
you worked, let's keep it clean) without making sure you had the
'morning-after' pill.
- will always pay for your bills because you have substituted the holiday
budget. R6000 (your rent and car) on happiness is nothing from a guy who rolls
R70k pm. Step it up a bit, make that fool spend R30k and see if he'll stay.
Who's smart now??
- have a non-sexual wife at home, you actually make peace in their home because
he never really asks for sex from the wife anymore unless you went home in
Mpumalanga for the holidays, a friend's wedding or a funeral or you went to the
Metro FM awards where he couldn't go with you because he's 'working'. Truth is,
he can't be seen with you at any show that could potentially be on TV.
- will never coach you to grow (your career) because you will stand as a threat
and end his fairy-tale.
The sad part is always getting out of it. No one owes anyone anything, he can
go back to his wife and you can stay with your friend in the flat on tea &
bread 24/7 and be the achiever that you aspired to become in first year before
the city lights became too bright. I'm not saying anyone is wrong in this
setting, the guy just happened to be the smartest person in the game.
But girls, I'd say you should show the middle finger more often. I always say,
you'd rather have a low credit profile than no dignity. If you are smart
enough, use him all you want but don't get attached. Just know that, all the
little sweet things from a guy who never invites you to his house ARE LIES!!
And to the brothers, it’s the game not the player *Hi5* stay pimping ;)
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